The Smallest Trick of Light

"Write with the learned. Pronounce with the vulgar." --Benjamin Franklin

All you need to do is read Ben Franklin's autobiography to see what a great guy he thought he was. That's got to be a rule somewhere: Anyone who writes an autobiography is probably a dick on some level.

But being self-important doesn't mean you're not regular-important too, as Ben Franklin would likely point out. It might even help achieve it, if you're into that kind of thing. Which I maybe sort of am.

I was listening to a song tonight; the lyrics were about how the singer felt when he was a child: invincible, dreamy, important. I tried to make myself the protagonist of the song's narrative (like you do) but I couldn't. I don't remember feeling important as a child.

I remember feeling timid and small. I remember having some big dreams... being a famous journalist or writing novels that people enjoyed... but a half-assed pragmatism got in the way. I knew I didn't know how to do those things, so therefore I couldn't. It didn't occur to me to learn how to try. I just knew I couldn't. Blind assurance of competence never occurred to me like it does for so many self-important people. I just knew I wasn't good enough. The end.

I've learned better since, but I still forget. Even now, I'm surprised every time that it occurs to me fresh: If you don't know how to do something, you can find out how. And if you don't know how to find out, find out how to find out. Keep unraveling with that method until you succeed at the thing you were after in the first place.

I don't know why I learned stopping was better than going. I don't know why I still act like that's the lesson.

There is still time enough and chance to be different. Unlike dancing or boxing or sweeping chimneys, writing is not strictly for the young. But it's frustrating to learn the truth in the middle of the run instead of at the beginning where it could do the most good.

I don't want to be self-important like Franklin, but I do want to get stuff done like Franklin.

Apocalypse Any Minute Now

Driving home from work today, I was thinking about heat. Wondering why, what with all the vast cold in the galaxy, that heat from our planet doesn’t dissipate into space, killing us all. I don’t need your science nerd answer—I know why it doesn’t happen. I’m going somewhere with this.

I wasn’t paying much attention in the ‘70s, but in the ‘80s I was pretty aware of the USSR’s ability to kill most of us, and ruin Earth for everyone else. It made no sense for anyone to use their ridiculously destructive weapons, but no one ever seemed to suggest that no one would. We just hoped.

My favorite role-playing game then was Gamma World. Trying to eke out existence in a ruined quasi-sci-fi world where nobody knows what went wrong, that was.... Was it fun? It was not exactly fun, but captivating. Imagining that world was scary and creatively invigorating.

Our world-ending threats now are different, but no less creatively fertile. After the bomb is after the fact these days. Now our Gamma Terra would be based on ecological upheaval. Or pandemic. Or economic collapse. Some people even get worked up over rogue asteroid impact.

It seems like people my age have been under some extinction-level threat our whole lives. Surely constant threat of vague doom—that's got to affect you. Maybe this helps explain hopeless chic? People my age, we’ve never lived through optimistic zeitgeist. We’ve pretty much always been under one gun or another. The deformation of mind and spirit living under them has squashed us into some weird shapes. A joyless bacchanal.

I wouldn’t classify myself as the sort of dude who sits around thinking of the end of humanity. I don’t even really think it’s possible. It’s just... the '80s kid remains wide-eyed aware that things can get fantastically worse on short notice. And there's nothing we can do about it.

That might be one of my favorite “proofs” for the existence of a benign God. We have an infinity number of ways to die spectacularly, but instead we keep on living sort of normally. That seems unlikely without frequent intervention.

Brow Beaten

A couple of years ago I was on a fantastically bad camping trip. Walking to the camp store, I passed two girls and one said to me, "Don't look so miserable!" My face unclenched into a tired smile.

Lately, I notice my brow furrowed a lot. Like, I'll just be talking and hey my face feels all tight, and then I relax it and ah, that feels better.

How long have I been doing this? Do I look mad a lot? Am I secretly troubled? Am I concentrating? What am I concentrating on? Is this one of those things everyone notices but nobody says to my face?

I kind of want to find the girl again for another shot of disarming candor.

Movies 2006, Part 4 of 4

A Prairie Home Companion
The thing is... here’s the thing. They forgot to make this a movie. There’s too much craftsmanship in the production to accuse the people responsible for just turning on the cameras at the show. That would have been a documentary, and I might have found that more enjoyable. But see, movies are for looking. They’re for showing. And there was nothing worth showing here: Stage. Dressing room. People talking. This has been done. Garrison Keilor is clever, but not clever in the way that makes this work. And so they made a radio show with very professional lighting and sets and Woody Harrelson. But not a movie.

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Confusing and boring, especially if you had never played FFVII. Aimed at a niche of a niche. Good luck, Square.

The Fellowship of the Ring, Extended
I think this is the sixth time I’ve seen Fellowship. I thought I had seen the extended version before, but stuff I didn’t remember kept happening, so maybe I didn’t.

Anyway, it was great. The extended versions require more stamina as a viewer, but they’re more complete stories, containing more exposition that lets you know why things are happening, and it makes a better story for it.

V for Vendetta
Not as bad as I had feared, but not as good as it could have been. Anarchy is a hard sell in a mainstream movie, so maybe they did the best they could. Appearances by Stephen Fry are always welcome.

The Two Towers, Extended
More ents = more better.

Return of the King, Extended
Whew. Time for a long division break.

Serenity
I’m supposed to love this movie, but I don’t. It was steadily OK. All the problems I had with the movie last year I had this year too.

The Craft
I’m not clear why I watched this, other than Rachel True was easy on the eyes. It was just on, and I sat down. It was pretty not good. Well, it was by-the-numbers with some contrived bits and dialogue that I was embarrassed to be complicit in by perceiving.

The Princess Bride
I wouldn’t have thought a beautiful woman whispering every single line of one of my favorite movies to me while it was happening, word for word, would be a fulfilling experience. The idea is too bizarre; I usually like my movies without a feminine echo. I mean, sure, beautiful woman. No problems there. But the whole freaking movie? I WOULD HAVE BEEN WRONG. If she did it every time I ever watched the movie again, the beautiful woman and I would have to talk, of course.

Drumline
I don’t have anything to say about this movie.

Tombstone
I want less cheese on my Tombstone.

Babe
Pig antics.

Happy Feet
I’m glad they justified unholy amounts of marketing by releasing a bad movie in conjunction with it all. Not All Dogs Go To Heaven bad, but pretty bad.

Stranger Than Fiction
Whee! I liked it. I like to think I choose a satisfying life lived well over art most days. I like to think that’s a good choice to make.

Life is Beautiful
We watched the dubbed version on network TV. OMG movies with commercial interruption, so ‘70s. Also, this movie was not all cat’s pyjamas in the first place, but dubbing is an inferior experience to subtitles in the case of this movie.

Movies 2006, Part 3 of 4

I was in the middle of something, wasn't I?

The Transporter
Great action, poor plot. I love the French police officer. He’s the awesomest thing in this movie.

The Perfect Storm
I wanted to call this “The Perfect Time Waster” but it’s not that clever and also untrue. It’s not the Platonic ideal of time waste. However, watching it once was too many times. I’m glad most of this movie was set outdoors so Diane Lane didn’t have any more scenery to chew up.

Dog Day Afternoon
Like its namesake, got really slow at the end.

North By Northwest
Since it was Hitchcock, I was hoping maybe the girl would fall to her death at the end. One nice part: When the goon sees Cary Grant’s matchbook, and you think the jig is up, but then he just picks it up and puts it in the ashtray. Nice fakey. Jig remains safely in down position!

The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Okay.

Once A Thief
I saw Chow Yun Fat and John Woo on the cover and thought, “Hey, it can’t be too bad.” Except that I was wrong. Too bad.

The Producers
Pretty funny, but mostly I’m reminded of how funny I think Gene Wilder is. Zero Mostell is a ham. Gene Wilder brings actual subtlety to a role that does not require, or even ask for it.

X-Men 3: The Last Stand
I guess they’re done making X-Men movies. Which I am okay with.

Grosse Point Blank
Only the suddenness of conversation will prove it, but I think this is now on the list of movies I can think of when someone asks me what my favorite movies are.

Man on Fire
Not stupid! Hooray! I can’t decide whether I like the jumpy look. I normally do; I think it looks cool. But maybe overdone here? Well, as a revenge flick, I still liked it.

Superman Returns
I’d like to return this one.

Rushmore
I don't know, man. Wes Anderson fans seem to like this movie, and I like to think of myself as a Wes Anderson fan, but this movie doesn't press my Happy Backflips button. It's okay, but it's not Royal Tenenbaums. And even RT isn't exactly RT anymore.

The Pink Panther
Even in a dog like this, Steve Martin shines a little. (But not a lot.)

A Scanner Darkly
I used to dig paranoia, but now it seems exhausting. I enjoyed Robert Downey, Jr. most of all.

Movies 2006, Part 2 of 4

Battlestar Galactica, season 2 (½)
The first half, which is still great, and now I want to see the second half but I can’t and I’m ANTSY.

Gilmore Girls, season 1
I really like this show.

The Apostle
Robert Duvall’s labor of... love? Art? I watched it because I saw it compared loosely to Steve Taylor’s movie, The Second Chance, and wanted to see a film that depicted an American Christian subculture without mocking or demonizing it. So, mission accomplished on that front. It was an ok movie overall, although not a movie that is designed for or accomplishes communication of an eternal spiritual truth. It’s more about the man than the message or the God behind the message. Which is fine. Those movies are worth making too. But my search for art that convincingly communicates faith and truth continues.

Gilmore Girls, season 2
I really like this show.

Philadelphia Film Festival Begins Now.

District 13
A fantastic cross of Escape From New York and Rumble in the Bronx, except in Paris. Really fun.

To Die In San Hilario
A gentle comedy about redemption that I was so, so bored during.

Strange Circus
I’ve filled my quota of Japanese creepshow child molestation movies for the year now, thanks.

Iceberg
I guess I didn’t know I was a humorless drone until everyone in the theater who wasn’t me laughed like hyenas on nitrous oxide. This flick was amusing, but not what I think of as “funny.” Also a tall man sat in front of me and blocked my view of the subtitles, which would have been more criminal if the movie had more than a dozen lines.

The District!
Funky-dorey animation from Hungary. The story crossed the line between gritty urban street etc and goofball hijinx more than I wanted. But I’m not sorry I went.

The Shutka Book of Records
A documentary about a gypsy town that turned out to be mostly dull.

Joni’s Promise
I dig it! This Indonesian flick was not “challenging” film festival fare, but the festival is turning out to be more boring than anything else, so I’ll take a fun, crowd-pleasing comedy with a splash of romance. I liked it so, I’ll even go so far as to say I’d watch it again. (gasp) Also the soundtrack was cool.

The Web site used to be at Janjijoni.com, but it's down as of this writing, and who knows what the future brings? Instead, go to your non-Blockbuster movie outlet and give it a shot because it's a fun date movie as well as for other fruits.

Adventures in Animation
A series of animation shorts paying tribute to the graphic novel. Some were great. Some were not. Such is the anthological way.

Kamataki
Slow, but not boring. The story of a spiritually lost Canadian young guy who finds some truth in the art of Japanese pottery-making. Actually pretty nice.

Thus Ends the Philadelphia Film Festival.

The Promise
A wuxia movie about people in love and doing things etc which I liked while I was watching it. Reviewers seemed underwhelmed, and maybe if I watched it again I would understand why. But I don’t want to.

Movies 2006, part 1 of 4

For the last several years I've kept a running list of all the movies and/or TV-on-DVD I watched during the year, with mini-reviews. In addition to a moderately interesting media review, it's also diary-esque on re-reading.

This year I watched at least 58 movies*, ten fewer than last year. I feel let down by that. I slowed down in trying to watch movies in the last half of the year, and I completely stopped trying to watch things that were challenging or unusual. Darn.

As before, my reviews are so idiosyncratic as to be perhaps meaningless to the outside observer. Some contain spoilers. Those are going to have to be your problem.

The Frighteners
Happy new year’s everybody.

Transporter 2
I hope somebody’s having a Happy New Year, because the movie buff in me isn’t.

The Constant Gardener
You know, it was fine. It didn’t have the constant heart it wanted to, but it was okay.

Fargo
I was told this movie was disturbing, so I avoided it for a lot of years. I was lied to! This movie isn’t disturbing, it’s fun!

Underworld: Evolution
Consciously bored during this movie. That’s no good sign.

Battlestar Galactica (miniseries, 2003)
I watched this when it was on teevee a couple years ago, and wow, appointment television like that already seems quaint. I just looked this up on imdb, and there were so many haters there, which confuses me. This is fucking great.

Spanglish
I only watched the back half of this. Kind of not so good. Maybe I just saw the Glish part.

Crash
Man, there sure are a lot of racists in L.A.

Arrested Development, season 1
Too good to live.

Battlestar Galactica, season 1
Still f’in great!

Doctor Who (2005)
This has issues, but does not suck like old Doctor Who did. It has charm and cheek, and interesting season-long arcs. For the first time in my whole life, I’m also getting the British joke of the title. Not ever hilarious, but just slightly funny all the time.

Skeleton Key
Meh. At least the bad guys win in the end.

Arrested Development, season 2
The characters are starting to wander a little, but it’s still LOL funny, so who cares?

Millions
I enjoyed this, but the last ten minutes took a perpendicular journey from the rest of the film. What. The? But still fun and good for the watching with children, which, even with none of my own, I’ll accept gladly.

*I might have forgotten to write some down. Life.

Putting the Coal in Coalition

Pretty soon, I plan on getting bored with reposting news bites from The Chronicle of Philanthropy, I swear. Until then, here's another beaut from late November:

New Head of Christian Coalition Resigns

Citing a conflict over the future direction of the organization, the Christian Coalition's president-elect has resigned from his position, reports National Public Radio.

The Rev. Joel Hunter, senior pastor of a large church in Orlando, Fla., said he had wanted to focus on issues like poverty and the environment as a way to expand the organization's agenda beyond opposition to abortion and gay marriage. But he said he now believes the group is unwilling to move in that direction.

"At first it seemed like they were open to that," Mr. Hunter told NPR's All Things Considered. "But when it came down to it, they just couldn't quite go there. The phrase that was used was, 'Those are fine issues, but it's just not us, that's not our base.'"

Neither Christian Coalition board members nor other officials commented in the story.

Really? No comment, fellas? Here's one you might want to start getting used to then: "I never knew you."


I'm suddenly very interested in reading Hunter's book, Right Wing, Wrong Bird. Maybe Santa will have an elf POD one for me.

Breath of Fresh Air

Philanthropy Today continues to be far more interesting than other news outlets in my life such as Google News, NPR, or co-workers:

British Charity Takes New Approach to Stemming Pollution

A British charity trust has announced plans to buy carbon-emission credits and sit on them, hoping that the law of supply and demand will make it prohibitively expensive for companies to pollute, reports Edie News.

Pure, the trust, will purchase credits in the "carbon market," where companies trade "shares" that determine how much carbon dioxide they may legally emit. Each company is allotted so many shares and can sell them or buy more from other companies, depending on whether it pollutes more or less than its allotment.

But Pure says it will refuse to sell its shares, reducing the overall supply. In theory, that will increase the demand for, and price of, the remaining shares.

"It might be financially better for companies to reduce emissions than to buy credits. And that's what we're aiming to do," said a trustee of Pure.

This is hilarious and devious and perhaps good for humanity ALL AT ONCE.

It's not new for polluter companies to treat carbon credits as some crazy alternate currency -- it's as if dollar bills were carcinogenic, and corporate entities traded the amount of killing you they were allowed to do. Some get to kill you more, but only if others trade away or sell their ability to kill you. Of course, at any time a company can buy some Temporary Killing Dollars by paying real dollars to whatever government watchdog might or might not be looking.

It's safer, see? It protects you, the consumer.

And by "consumer" I mean "goods and services purchaser," not "air consumer." Because if you consume air, it doesn't protect you really all that well.

Anyway, the hilarious new twist is the wacky-neighbor nonprofit getting in on the action. This tactic looks more gimmicky than effective, since businesses will probably find it more economical to convince legislators to fabricate new credits rather than reduce emissions, rendering the jiggered scarcity for naught.

In the meantime though, Pure made some noise relevant to their mission, and took some Killing Dollars out of the economy for a while, at least. (I guess they're technically Killing Pounds.)

The Best Policy

I always feel uncomfortable when someone starts a sentence with "Let me be honest with you..."

Because, were you lying before now?