The Party's Over Here!

Part 2 in my irregular series of attempts at eBay comedy writing is up. (Reminisce about part 1 here.)

When I worked at the newspaper, our art director, Ron Dacanay, had a fair amount of free time on his hands, and some powerful graphics software. That's pretty much the basic recipe for comedy right there.

Ron churned out all kinds of crazy shit on the clock, and I kept most of it in a little art gallery on the wall by my desk.

The picture at right is an exemplar of his work. I bought a dollar store frame and kept it on my desk until I stopped working at the paper. Then I just kept it.

It was a stock photography model looking up at a light bulb floating overhead. Then Ron perfected it by slapping the face of North Korean "Dear Leader", Kim Jong-il, over the bulb.

Because the picture is already so absurd, my writing adds little to the humor of the thing. But one does what one can.

Christina's bright idea? Kim Jong-il! I totally know!

Please bid early and often. Thank you and good night.

Conchordia

I watched the first season of Flight of the Conchords this week and the verdict is: Sufficiently Funny.

Here’s a clip from a comedy show they did, not from the series. I’ve watched this about a dozen times now, and it’s still my current favorite way to spend three minutes and fifty-eight seconds.

Robots

May Linkdump

Mang, whatever even happened to my BlogaDay sprint?

I've had the last week and a half off from the day job, working on freelance, and motivation took its own little holiday. Maybe reposting interesting things isn't as compelling to me as creating original content? I don't know, I just made that up. That might not be true at all.

Here are some links I was going to put in daily posts, but didn't:

Half the Universe's Missing Matter Found
Becoming one with the universe just got 50% easier.

Buffet Says We're in for a Long, Deep Recession
In recovery from a long, deep obsession.

The Phoenix Mars Lander Twitter Feed
Hey, MarsPhoenix, we don't care what you had for breakfast.

Brief Karen Allen story Following the Latest Indiana Jones Premiere

After dessert, 10-year-old Flynn looked up from his chocolate cake and offered Ms. Allen an unsolicited review of the film. “The funny thing about the movie is that you punch him and then you kiss him,” he said.

“Well, that’s love,” Ms. Allen said.

Bag of Tricks

I bought a gallon of milk today at a "natural" chain grocery store. I buy there, because it's the cheapest place we can find milk that isn't doped up with hormones. The FDA assures us that hormones aren't not safe. Which is the manner of reassurance you get from a government regulatory agency run by the organizations it is charged to regulate.

"Natural" chain has instituted a policy in the last couple months, i.e., bring in a bag, get $.05 off your purchase. I have been dissuading stores from giving me plastic bags for years, to cashier consternation and occasional scorn. The number of bags I've left in stores by now must be legion. If there's a Texas-sized mass of plastic bags floating in the Pacific Ocean, I've got to have prevented an El Paso's worth of territory from seceding to it. And I've been doing it for free.

It is a well-known fact that I am recklessly, gleefully pennywise and pound foolish. So it cannot surprise you that I revel in receiving a nickel off my purchase. Why, over a year, this amount could add up to as much as two and a half dollars.

Except that I cannot be bothered to remember to bring a bag to the store with me.

The policy itself is fine, but their enforcement of it is textbook dumb. I am buying one (1) item with a built-in handle, which I carry out in my hand. To thinking humans, who enjoy walking around and engaging in new ideas, this is a simple matter to hand-wave away. No bag is necessary for this transaction. In truth, I am saving two bags, because I don't even have to supply one. I merely seize the gallon jug, and depart to the strains of triumphal brass.

"Natural" chain store employees, however, are no fans of the march. I must present a bag to receive the discount, and neither sweet logic nor huffy indignation sways them from their heartfelt ecological stewardship.

Today I entered the store anew, sans bag, milk, my sole destination. Standing in line, scheming, I removed the long-sleeved shirt I had fixed around my waist. I tied each sleeve to its opposite corner. And when the cashier queried, I said, "Yes, I have a bag." He deducted five cents from my total, and I placed the jug in my makeshift sack. Victory!

The true victory though, lay in noticing that the cashier did not give an entire biodegradable rat's ass about whether I had a bag. In the future, the answer is always, "Yes, I have a bag."

In the Air

Pretty much whatever Malcolm Gladwell writes is worth reading.

The history of science is full of ideas that several people had at the same time.

Failing Spot Checks

Ars Ludi is a blog by a guy who's thinking and thinking smart about role playing games.

Last time we played D&D, there was a trap door that lead to a veritable trove of treasure, including some magic items that the PCs kind of needed.

I've said nice things about Red Hand of Doom before, but here's a place where things went sideways. The trap door was very hard to find. It was supposed to be something hidden enough that the occupying goblins never saw, but easy enough that the PCs could pick it out.

Normally, somebody in the party has a badass Spot check, and they see whatever it is you want them to see.

Except nobody did. So I gave them another chance, another round of rolls, which right away seemed silly. Nobody got it that time either.

So I just told them about it. Dumb dumb dumb. But, we were in the middle of something, and I needed them to have this treasure. Nobody seemed to mind really, 'cause, hey, magic items!

It wasn't until this post at Ars Ludi that I realized exactly how dumb that whole scenario was, since not only did it not have to be that way, there was no need for a roll:

...if it’s not a combat situation or about to become one (aka checking for surprise or attacks at unawares), don’t use Spot checks. At all. None. Zero. Let players describe what they look for or how they are behaving and just arbitrarily decide what they see or don’t see.

The "YO!" in Sjoberg

Remember Brunching Shuttlecocks? Lore Sjoberg is still around, but doing different things these days, notably for Wired magazine.

On his blog, Slumbering Lungfish, he recently talked about Twitter in relation to his Wired article on the same topic, which is interesting and funny, as Lore usually is.

But what I find interesting about the blog commentary is his discussion of negative-funny versus funny. No deep insights, just another approach to a topic that I've been turning over myself for a few weeks.

Cloudy Day

I'm making up a meme! I'm participating in Internet!

So what's interesting is to go to Web sites that track you and look at the tag clouds that have to do with you. Here's the tag cloud for what Amazon thinks I might care about:

Action & Adventure Adventure Christian Living Christianity DC Comics Devotionals Dungeons & Dragons Epic Gaming Inspirational Magic & Wizards Marvel Mass Market Military Military Science Mystery Politics Science Fiction & Fantasy Stuffed Animals Tezuka, Osamu Theology United States Urban Video Games Weapons & Warfare

That's a decent overview, I think. How could they have known of my deep concern over mass markets though?

As a meme, you are now encouraged to take this idea and replicate it on your own blog or whatnot. THIS IS HOW WE MAKE INTERNET FUN.

Nanogoo Stops Bleeding Instantly

More from the world of previously improbable science:

The new material can be poured over a site and will stop the bleeding almost at once.

Unlike other future-tech treatments, this one seems mostly ready. Just has to finish some tests and clear the FDA hurdles. Much more dangerous substances do that on a regular basis, so let's go already, FDA!

Remember To Be Amazed

George Steinmetz has some wonderful photography. Amazing things are put in front of our eyes so frequently these days, it's becoming more difficult to be amazed by them. Steinmetz is still finding opportunities for amazement, though.

Go to the About > Flying section of his site to see pictures and read a description of his motorized paraglider that allows him to take pictures that you pretty much can't get any other way.