Reading is for Railroads

I have a wave of new books here at Casa Pienso, like a dozen in the last month, and here is the number I've read: The big goose egg. Zeroteen. None.

I've started almost all of them, but then like a poodle in a fire hydrant factory, I'm off after something else and when I notice what I'm doing, I am aggrieved in ways unlike a poodle.

Here's most of my list, followed by the page number I'm on, and commentary:

• Danse Macabre by Stephen King. Page 100-something. I can't get into this like I meant to, and I haven't opened it in 6 months. I might give up on it soon.
  
• Pilgrim's Regress by C.S. Lewis. Maybe 2/3 done. I was reading this when we moved, and then I lost track of it. It's pretty good. I'll probably go back to it before the end of the year.
  
• I Am America (And so Can You)! by Stephen Colbert et al. Page 50-ish. This is funny, but it's a one-joke book. I think it's better read in several short sittings.
• The Essential 55 by Ron Clark. About half done. This is an inner-city grade school teacher's 55 rules to train kids to be socialized humans rather than modern barbarians. There are good rules for how to interact with anybody in here though, and if you're not careful, you might just learn something before you're through. Hey hey hey.
  
• The Professor and the Madman by Simon Winchester. Page xiii. Only finished the preface to this book about the overseeing editor of the OED and his greatest volunteer assistant, an inmate at an asylum for the criminally insane.
  
• A Short Life of Christ by Everett F. Harrison. Page 0. I assume it's about Jesus or somebody.
  
• Better Not Bigger by Eben Fodor. Page 0. I think it's about gentrification.
  
• Becoming Dad: Black Men and the Journey to Fatherhood by Leonard Pitts, Jr. Page 40-ish. Leonard Pitts, Jr. is an exceptionally clear thinker, and I just wanted to read anything he had to say. This is the only book he's written, so I'm reading it.
• Don't Make Me Think by Steve Krug. Page 37. A thin book about Web usability.
• We Don't Die We Kill Ourselves by Roger L. De Haan. Page I don't remember. My mechanic had a heart scare and diabetes trouble this year, and he now has a convert's zeal about eating well. So in addition to repairing my brakes, he gave me this book.
  
• Stupid Sock Creatures by John Murphy. Page 13. My lovely wife bought this for me off my amazon wish list because I have been making plush monsters, and this is a good book for that sort of behavior.
  
• The History of the Hobbit by John Rateliff. Page 0. John is a former colleague of mine, and dare I say, a "friend." He is the most knowledgeable guy I know about Lord of the Rings, and you'll just have to trust me when I say that's not faint praise. I know people who can speak Elvish. John Ratliff knows more than those freaks (who are dear to me. They are dear freaks.).

This isn't even all of them! Sweet baby Moses in a handbasket, won't someone lock me in a room with a comfy chaise lounge so I can't get any more distracted from reading these freaking things?

Not counting BlogaDay, of course. BlogaDay soldiers on!

We Regret to Inform You

Early in the attempt, BlogaDay has already missed a day. Our Internet access went away yesterday for poorly-understood reasons, so Sunday the 4th got a bye.

I'll double-post one day this week to make up for it, and persist in trucking.

Also, my Skyrates game is suffering. There are cartoon aviator animals who are not getting vital goods delivered, so it's not all about YOU okay?

Copywriting Is Fun.

What I've done at work is moved from proofreading to being a sometime copywriter because they need one around here, but the proofreader who can also write copy is way cheaper.

I've done copywriting before, but never had the title. I did it as the editor of whatever periodical I was working on because somebody had to. It was always a sideline to the real job. Which apparently disguises the fact that when it's your only job, copywriting is fun.

A few weeks ago, I got to make up some chipper-sounding crap about salad dressing. SALAD DRESSING, PEOPLE. I tolerate salad, and have no truck with dressing them, but for a couple of days, I was Mr. Salad Dressing, Esquire.

And it was a blast. Even now, when I'm doing less creative copy stuff for drugs instead of Tangy Blue Cheese Napa Valley Buttermilk Ranch Dressing, it's still kind of fun.

I'm tempted to say, "If I'd known this was fun, I'd have started years ago." but that would be false because my act wasn't together enough years ago to enjoy it like I do now. Now that I've staggered around doing odd jobs and nonsense, I have a real appreciation for this:

A challenging job alongside creative, motivated co-workers, that is seriously not that hard. I sit in a chair and type on an ergonomic keyboard. It's not like I'm hauling lumber.

Unfortunately, the contract ends in a few weeks, so I might have to move on. But now that I can legitimately put "copywriter" on my resume and show some portfolio pieces, it shouldn't be too hard to find more work.

At least that's what they tell me. They said that about grantwriting too, and then I spent four months unable to get a nonprofit in this city to waste a stamp telling me no.

Maybe it's time to stop listening to people who have no stake in my well being. And maybe it's time to go back to sourcing copy for anti-cholesterol drugs which is way more fun than it sounds!

Jam Sessions

For my recently-passed birthday, my recent mother-in-law got me a Nintendo DS.

I love computer games. Oh boy. Oh boy I do. But they are monstrous money and time sinks, and I have to evaluate how I spend my life, and the ROI on electronic games is almost never ever favorable.

Actually, World of Warcraft has gotten me really decent, paying work. So the gazillion hours I've spent playing WoW is justifiable.

Okay, let's not overthink this. The point is, if I start bringing a PS3 and an Xbox 360 and a PSP and a Wii and Deep Blue and WOPR and a pong-playing Univac into my life, then other things have to go away, and those other things are also pretty important.

Also, the insidiousness of things is that once you own them, you are responsible for using them and taking care of them. You're not just buying a thing, you're buying a new focus for your give-a-damn, which is my most precious resource, moreso than money and time.

So I don't play computer games nearly as much as my yearning, child-like heart would wish.

But now I have a DS.

I have one cartridge: Jam Sessions. It's a bare bones guitar sim. You can strum the touch screen like a guitar, and you press the buttons to pick chords.

That's it. Sorry I didn't warn you about spoilers. But that's it. And it's great.

Listen, I don't know if you've ever tried to learn a musical instrument. I've tried to learn a few. It's hard. I don't have the constitution to do a lot of hard things. But this is significantly less hard than actually learning to play guitar. Also, less expensive and less painful.

Another advantage: When I'm done, I can't play Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass on a guitar.

Criminy, why do they still sell guitars?

Where I Get Photos

A few months ago, I wanted to make my blog less ugly without doing any real work. So I started putting pictures up with posts. Where do I get them, you might ask?

Internet theft, naturally. Case closed.

But then I thought I could be more specific.

The horrible truth is that the only pictures here I took are of Ulorg and Groovy's paint job which I did 18 months ago. And yesterday's photo. I took that one. Shame abides! Why do they even let me own a camera?

BUT! But! Here is my secret: Morguefile is full of free-to-use photos that aren't even infringing on other people's copyrights, not even technically!

Morguefile is just a bunch of people taking pictures and then posting them online for anybody to use for nearly any reason, commercial or otherwise. You don't have to pay money. You don't even have to credit photographers.

There are still legal limitations. Like, if it's a person, you still have to get a model release. And the original photographer retains copyright, unless he or she releases the photo into public domain. It's just that the photographer lets you use it for no money.

And as I am fond of saying, free is my favorite price.

BlogaDay

I have ideas for posts allatime, but mostly I'm all eloquent and shit when I'm driving, which is possibly the worst time to be that way, unless you count being in secret prison for crimes nobody will charge you with. I suppose that's a worse time to try to write down your clever little thoughts.

Point being that November is rapidly becoming National [Accomplish Something] Month. Novels or operas or giant bas relief sculptures (NaBaReSculMo). As we all know, by the time something's been properly parodied, the original phenomenon is dying. And by the time I get around to parodying it, you're looking at faded daguerreotypes of the original phenomenon, wondering why no one ever smiled back then.

ALL YOUR DAGUERREOTYPES ARE BELONG TO US.

But I'm doing it anyway, my own little dog-and-pony variation of NaNoWriMo. All November long, I'm posting here every day. It's called BlogaDay.

I just made this up. Don't look for a BlogaDay signup site and t-shirts and freaking podcasts. Although if you send me $30, I'll make an awesome BlogaDay t-shirt for you.

The main reason I'm doing this is I'd really like to break out of the killing habit of making sure that what I have to say is well-researched and original before I post it. Those sound like good criteria, but I never write anything doing that.

So November? In November? I'm writing something every day here. It might just be a repost of whatever I saw that day at Neatorama, but damn the photon torpedos.

For the love of Christmas, I just spent 4 minutes trying to find a Klingon translation of the word "damn" for a joke that approximately zero people will get. This is what I have to contend with. This is why I only post once every locust year.

So. Every day. Something. I will still try to be clever or interesting, but really, you'll just have to smile politely when I'm not. Ready? Go.

Technicalities!

This is a small but lively bit of writing wisdom I discovered today when I said it out loud:

"Just" is the equivalent of "very" when you're trying to communicate simplicity.

I Like My Name Is Earl

We’ve been watching season 1 of My Name is Earl on DVD, and it’s not the bestest ever comedy, but I’m entertained. Plus, the guitar part from the theme song is lodged in my head like a shell fragment.

What’s even more interesting to me though, is how much the show resembles a meditation on living a life trying following Christ, and how Earl’s (I don’t want to be so grandiose as to call it a journey) journey toward redemption parallels the behaviors and thought processes of a new believer.

Except Earl is following karma. Off and on, he refers to karma as an active force, something that pays attention and rewards him when he does good things, and punishes him when he slacks or rebels.

Earl’s grip on the subtleties of karma is loose, but he has a firm, manly handshake with moral behavior. He has a list of all the bad things he’s done, and he’s checking them off as he makes amends for them.

When his brother was trying to convince him to blow off the list on a technicality he said, “It doesn’t work like that. The list isn’t stupid.”

This is a guy bent on repentance. If this weren’t a sitcom, it would be the story of a guy running headlong at God. Hell, it still could be.

There are times when Earl mouths the word “karma” but is clearly talking about the living God. Other times, he treats karma like a cosmic vending machine. The fact that God set up in the universe in this Garbage In/Garbage Out kind of way makes this an understandable stopping point on the way to wisdom.

I’m fascinated and occasionally edified watching this show. Holy crap.

Meredith has pointed out that Jaime Pressley is the most believable person on the show, and she’s right. Jason Lee is funny and likeable, but I never quite buy that Earl is all that reprehensible. It’s partly the writers, who probably can’t make Earl as horrible as he should be, and partly because -- you can tell -- Jason Lee is just not one of these redneck people. He don’t got that jenny say kwa.

Jaime Pressley as Joy on the other hand, is thoroughly reprehensible, gleefully white trash, and packs comedic chops you never saw coming. She weaves between being Earl’s ally and enemy, an inept, yet menacing bitch, who somehow maintains a sympathetic humanity.

Don’t run out and watch My Name Is Earl. But when you get a chance, don’t pass it up.

BONUS: The List, in incomplete numerical order.

Rice Boy

For the most part, I feel like I've got the Internet down--not technically, but culturally. I'm hip to all the cool memes. I read Boingboing, Fark, Metafilter, and Slashdot with varying levels of regularity.

Yet, every so often a new thing heaves into view, and I learn it's been around for a while, and I knew Jack-minus about its existence.

Enter Rice Boy. This is the latest thing that makes me feel strange and my brain juices fizz. It's an epic story about the savior of a fantastic world and his adventures and supporting cast.

Been happening since April 2006, but I only learned of it two days ago. I was absorbed. Read the whole thing in one sitting, despite pressing freelance obligations.

Creator, Evan Dahm says it started, "as an exercise in surrealism, and has evolved into a wandering psychedelic epic."

I can't say for sure you'll like it. But if you like the kinds of things I like, you'll love it.

A Slow Year for Peace

So Al Gore wins the Nobel Peace Prize, and my first thought is... him? Why?

I would like to have done hard research on this, but Wikipedia is convenient, and probably right, so that’s where I’m getting most of my facts.

According to Alfred Nobel’s will, he left the peace prize decision-making process to a “Committee of five persons to be elected by the Norwegian Parliament (Storting),” to be given, “to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between the nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.”

Pretty clear! What did the Committee say for itself in 2007? First, let’s clarify that the award went not just to Al, but also to the U.N.’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. The reason: “for their efforts to build up and disseminate greater knowledge about man-made climate change, and to lay the foundations for the measures that are needed to counteract such change.”

Wow fellas! Way to stay on-mission!

I got nothing against Mr. Gore, but he’s basically been a barker. A movie star. An “advocate” in less charged language. That doesn’t seem peace-prize worthy to me, and the Other Al (at least his will) would seem to agree.

I looked at the last 10 years of Nobel peace prize awarding to see Gore’s contemporary laureates line-up. The hyperlinks below go to the recipients’ pages on the Nobel site.

2006 Muhammad Yunus, Grameen Bank "for advancing economic and social opportunities for the poor, especially women, through their pioneering microcredit work"

2005 International Atomic Energy Agency, Mohamed ElBaradei "for their efforts to prevent nuclear energy from being used for military purposes and to ensure that nuclear energy for peaceful purposes is used in the safest possible way"

2004 Wangari Maathai "for her contribution to sustainable development, democracy and peace"

2003 Shirin Ebadi "for her efforts for democracy and human rights. She has focused especially on the struggle for the rights of women and children."

2002 Jimmy Carter "for his decades of untiring effort to find peaceful solutions to international conflicts, to advance democracy and human rights, and to promote economic and social development"

2001 United Nations, Kofi Annan "for their work for a better organized and more peaceful world"

2000 Kim Dae-jung "for his work for democracy and human rights in South Korea and in East Asia in general, and for peace and reconciliation with North Korea in particular"

1999 Médecins Sans Frontières "in recognition of the organization's pioneering humanitarian work on several continents"

1998 John Hume, David Trimble for their efforts to find a peaceful solution to the conflict in Northern Ireland"

1997 International Campaign to Ban Landmines, Jody Williams "for their work for the banning and clearing of anti-personnel mines"

So what, are we out of Jimmy Carters and John Humes? The prize has gone unawarded some years, during major wars, or for undisclosed reasons. The Committee could have just given it a bye this year if there were no suitable candidates.

Smells like politics. Smells like -- despite the Committee’s protestations -- a feeble attempt to bop George Bush on the nose. That shit is tired, Oslo. I expect better from you.