I Miss My Girlfriend

Today I was talking about the word "fiancee" and how precious it sounds. Never trust a polysyllabic word with more vowels than consonants. Samuel Johnson once knifed a Hawaiian king for that, calling him "bruitish and uncivillized." (I read that on Wikipedia.)

"Fiancee" is dangerously easy to overuse. You don't sound like you're trying to prove anything if you talk about your girlfriend or your wife over and over. But no one is a fiancee for very long, so there are special connotations with the word. It's a reinforcement of how married you're about to be. If you say fiancee three times in one conversation, it's like you're saying, "I'm getting MARRIED soon. Because my fiancee and I are getting MARRIED soon. Did I mention I have a fiancee? Who is someone you get MARRIED to? Soon?"

Other problems:

• If you say it a bunch of times and get lazy about the word, it starts to rhyme with "Chauncey."
• When I type fast and misspell it, the word becomes "financee." Evil feminists are troublesome enough without easy puns to make their lives simpler. Like I'm just floating this chick until we get married, and then she pays interest for the rest of her life.
  
• The masculine version of the word, "fiance," is useless. Either make it look and sound masculine*, or make the word completely unisex. This missing "e" thing is too foo-foo. Freaking French.

*I suggest "Brawnmonster."