My 5-Year Old Nephew Can Schmooze Better Than That!

The Art of Schmoozing.

Of course, he's not talking about an art here, he's talking about a set of techniques, which some might argue is explicitly NOT art. (But boy howdy am I not about to steer this vehicle down Define Art Lane.)

The good news (for me) is that I already understand and use most of these. The bad news is that Guy fails to mention that this is a lot of freaking hard work. He tosses these off like they're little tips. But underneath many of them is the unspoken assumption, "Know yourself very well. And then choose to believe the solution to your needs resides out of your immediate control." That's deep! Nine points on a Web site doesn't get you there.

If somebody's a bad schmoozer it's not as though they'll read these and be enlightened. They'll bounce off the bad schmoozer like a space shuttle with a shallow entry vector.

As always, I come away from these things wanting to write a motivational/self-help book, but really address the thing itself. People don't need clever tips on how to schmooze. They need someone to stand next to them and tell them that when they think about how they got really rejected hard when they tried to talk to someone in grade school -- and so taking that interpersonal risk has held uncomfortable associations ever since -- they need someone to hang around for a while and say, "Hey, that was a big deal, and it's clearly important to you. But it doesn't have to be every conversation ever. The next conversation can be different." <-- all hypothetical, as I have no hangups about conversations, beyond mild introversion.

But I don't know if it's even possible to write that book -- that wise, empathic friend book. I sure could use one sometimes though.

Sudden Topic Change: The surprising tip for me is #9, "Ask for the return of favors." The practice of clearing the decks is smart. I'm adding that to my extrovert bag of tricks.