Almighty Dollar

Just yesterday I was thinking that I hadn't seen any enormous, secularly funded attempts to grab Christian cash lately. Is my trend-spotting spotty?

Probably! But then today I read this article from the Houston Chronicle about Evan Almighty:

...if Evan Almighty turns into a summer hit, as several competing studio executives predict, the movie could put Hollywood back in the business of making big-budget movies that intentionally embrace sacred subjects.

"For some reason, Hollywood doesn't make this kind of movie," says Tom Shadyac, the director of both Evan Almighty and its racier predecessor, 2003's Bruce Almighty, whose religious message was less palpable. "I don't know if it's out of fear. I really don't. Maybe we're not living as closely to these themes."

For some crazy reason, they're not doing it, huh Tom? Well it's not JUST fear. Don't forget ignorance and disdain!

Our man, John Bock is back too, with ArkALMIGHTY.com, a Craigslist for churchy good deeds. John Goodman (what's in a name?) even pops onto the site to explain the deal:

1. Register your church.
   
2. Tell people in your church to post needs to the site.
3. People at your church check it out and volunteer to meet needs.

This is a not-terrible idea, except that arkalmighty has a movie commercial with viral aspirations artlessly tacked on. Also, the execution is dumb. From the About page:

Maybe there’s a college student who could use help moving into her first apartment, or a widow that could use a helping hand washing her windows, or a recently laid-off worker who could use help polishing up his resume. There are countless needs out there that, up until now, have had no way to be met. But now they do, thanks to ArkALMIGHTY.

Really? There was no way to meet needs before you dropped arkalmighty on us? We couldn't have, say, set up our own mailing list? Or maybe just talked to each other like Christians have been doing for thousands of years? And what if I don't go to a particular church? Do I not get to help people from other places?

I just did a quick check of Philadelphia churches. Thirteen are signed up. Zero have "needs posted." This never-before need-meeter is lighting the Philadelphia church community ON FIRE!

Turns out, Christendom in flyover country was already doing fine, sans condescension.

The privacy policy isn't awful, but the usual marketing stealthspeak means the only information they get out of me is that someone from my ISP visited them and clicked around.

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Look, you can make the not-unconvincing argument that we can promote a movie AND encourage people to do good things at the same time. I am on this boat! Capitalism and kindness can co-exist! Kinditalism, maybe. Have to work up a better portmanteau.

But the boat I'll watch from the pier is the one where we try to float two gods. That boat will sink. A web site for Jesus with a URL and graphics that clearly indicate its commercial origin does not need a blatant advert on its front page. It does not need to detail my marketing opt-out options. It does not need the avuncular aegis of John Goodman to help sell it. Once again, a Grace Hill Media joint has uncomfortably strange bedfellows.

I'm still willing to give Bock some room. I've never met the guy, and maybe he's glorifying God. I'm willing to be convinced. However, I see more signs of nascent cupidity here than the Big Theta, and that's not the order we've been told to do things in.

One thing I feel pretty good about though: Morgan Freeman plays a better God than George Burns.