Smiles and denials

For years and years, when friends' relationships foundered, I was baffled when one or both halves of a couple would smile and act like they were not just barely holding it together through force of will, even when confronted directly by an outsider.

Sometimes I would be more than baffled. I would take it personally, because crying and breaking things indicated an obvious red-lights-and-bells problem, yet my concerns would be shooed away like those of a beloved, overprotective nanny. "Thanks for being such a good friend," they would say, "We'll work through this. It'll be fine."

I would think, "They have to know how bad things are. They must just want me out of the way."

Today, it finally occurred to me that they weren't intentionally lying to me. They really were just deeply disoriented... so lost that offers of help looked like threats. Smiles and denials was how they had solved their problems before. There was no reason for it not to work this time too.

You can see how this would seem alien to a man who falls apart semi-annually. But all considered, I like my way better. I prefer lots of little break-downs to any number of big ones. That might even be why I do it, come to think of it.