A Three-year Record

It's only January, and I've already posted more times in 2013 than I did in either 2011 or 2012.

WHAT COULD THIS MEAN?

I always want things to mean something, I want the surface to point to a hidden substratum or -strata.

And you know, usually that pays off. What I think it means is that about the time I stopped blogging regularly I got a job working in the mental health field that took all my psychic energy.

There was no time to try to be mildly humorous on the Internet. I spent every work day not merely trying to provide compassionate assistance to Delaware County residents with moderate mental illness, but also learning how to get all my billable hours in, which as social workers will tell you, is one of the real bitches of their jobs.

Then I moved to a job working for a board game company, AEG. (which yes, is a thing, board games are a business that makes hundreds of millions of dollars annually, I'll have to tell you more about that some time.) And it was great. Except it masticated all my free time until it deposited me on the street recently, because like all entertainment jobs, you must either be lucky or badger-level tenacious to stay steadily employed.

So it could be that I'm coming off a 2.5-year work bender and have space to be reflective again.

But the thing about hidden layers is that they're hidden. Mr. Rumsfeld's infamous "unknown unknowns" always lurk beneath your enterprises. So maybe there are other reasons?

Because I imagine an underworld of black swans that I have failed to uncover, I make promises gingerly for my future. But with a lovely vase of provisos in hand, I'm glad to be back. I hope it means good things for every one of us.

Regret is easy.

I easily fall for those Deathbed Epiphany trains of thought.

• No one wishes they had spent more time at the office.

• You regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.

• If only you'd known that consequences for being true to yourself were so minor.

Here's a link to a nurse revealing the top 5 deathbed regrets.

I am deeply interested -- vested -- in doing it right the first time, because there is only a first time. And by "it" I mean life. And by "life" I don't know what I mean.

Today it occurred to me that no matter what you do or don't do in life, you can have regrets. It's not hard.

That's the problem. Regrets are so easy, so common, that they're meaningless. They're the dust bunnies of convalescence.

Life is big, and if you're careful and fortunate, long. At the end, you are likely to have a major regret. Maybe two. I tried guessing what my major regret would be when writing this post, but how the hell do I know? If I die today, I could name you one. But when I'm 80? That's a half-life away from here. I'll be an entirely different human by then. On a cellular level.

Make your peace with the fact that you will grimly fail at something important in life. Do it as early as possible. Then accept the forgiveness you will need. Accept it ahead of time, and go do the thing you want to do.

in re: New Year's Resolutions

My pastor said something a couple years ago that stuck with me:

"Jesus is not particularly interested in your self-improvement schemes."