Shoulder Angel Wins Again

originally written 2/17/04, Stockbridge, Ga.

Tonight I was taking a long walk through the grubby collection of fast food hovels next to an interstate that passes for civilization around here. Trudging by the McDonald’s, I looked up at the marquee sign. In letters so disparate they looked like a backlit ransom note, the sign said:

NOW
HIRING
CLOSERS!

As I stood in the muddy grass, staring up, the little devil on my left shoulder said, “Man, it would be totally 100% hi-freaking-larious to steal that ‘C.’ Everybody driving by tomorrow morning would be spitting up their coffee it would be so funny.”

Then the angel on my right shoulder said, “Jeff, that would be theft, and the people who work here might feel bad when they see it. Also, the sign is too high. You’d need a stick or something.”