I was thinking about little Blanket Jackson today, about how those kids will basically never have a normal life. I can’t save them.
But there are thousands of celebrities in the world I can help. People who might have had a kernel of normalcy at one point, but now are so far into their loopy celebrity lives that they don’t know...
- Who to trust?
- Who to listen to?
- Who will say things that approximate reality, instead of what they want to hear?
I’m Jeff Quick, and I’d like to talk with you about my groundbreaking new Celebrity Normalization Plan. Here’s how it works:
You are a celebrity, who has realized that your coterie of sycophants won’t help you understand reality.
You leave them behind and come live at my house for an intensive two-week training course in how real people live their lives. We’ll cover:
- Budgeting
- Conversation
- Parking
- Reasonable clothing options
- Making your own meals
- Not getting what you want all the time
- Responding well to criticism
- Manners
- And much, MUCH MORE!
You may be wondering, "Jeff, why should I join your CNP instead of the thousands, perhaps millions of other normal people in the world who can help me?"
The answer may surprise you... I am not normal. I've never been normal, nor have I received any formal degrees or normalcy certifications.
What I do have is a lifetime studying normal people -- how they live, how they talk to each other, how they behave in public. And after a life of study, I have developed a totally convincing approximation of normality! I'm so seemingly ordinary that many of my closest friends would tell you that I am "normal."
I can do it for you too!
Get in touch with me through the following address: CNP +@+ q u i c k t h i n k i n g . n e t (please remove all spaces and plus signs before you send—this is actually fairly normal) and I'll get you started on the road to normalcy. Just imagine:
- Having realistic expectations
- Drinking in moderation
- Keeping romantic matters private
The normal life can be yours with my revolutionary Celebrity Normalization Plan!
Email today!
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