Tote bags, part 1

I have never in mortality purchased a tote bag, but they keep showing up like loose electrons. So I decided to document them. Here's one I got because my employer changed its name recently and decided to celebrate by ordering useless shit from China.

WRAP guide for friends and strangers

I've been talking about WRAPs to a few people lately and promising to send resources. But when I go to the internet, I don't like anything I find.

So I decided to write my own guide. If I sent you a link to this post, it's because I love you and want you to have tools to be mentally well on your own schedule. If you just found this without me and think it's useful, then hooray.

WRAP stands for Wellness Recovery Action Plan. 
It's a plan you write for yourself so the next time you're feeling a little crazy or unwell, you can consult your plan and do something besides grit your teeth and hope.

When you notice that you're maybe sliding into crazy, you're probably not clear-headed enough at the time to remember what it is you do to feel less crazy. This is the chief value of a WRAP. You wrote it all down when you were feeling not so bad, and you made some reference points for yourself.

It's your deal.
You don't have to show this to anyone. It can be like a diary that way. WRAP is a pretty flexible system, and it's meant to be iterative. If you don't get it all or if you don't get it right the first time, whatever. Just go back to it later and update what worked or didn't work.

NB: Try to take this seriously. 
This makes you think hard, maybe about things you don't like thinking about. You might get bored or bogged down before you finish the whole thing. If you don't finish, it's fine. Any part of it that you do will be useful.

But try not to lose it after you're done, because a) you might want it next time you're not doing so well, and b) if you remember where you put it, then you're more likely to finish it later.

A WRAP has nine sections.
 Get a few sheets of paper or open up a text file or whatever you like. I've got my WRAP condensed onto one page, but when you're working it out for the first time, it's good to have room.

1) What I'm Like When I'm Well
Describe what you're like when you're not crazy. Organized? Outgoing? Quiet? Safe driver? Describe it. You can use one word descriptors or whole sentences. Whatever works. Maybe five things, if you can name five.

If you're having trouble, think about what you miss when you're in the crazy, or your opposite of crazy. Por ejemplo: I get depressed. When I'm depressed, I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. But when I'm not depressed, I love going places and doing things! I like traveling and learning and being curious. So those are in my #1 section.

2) Things I Need to Do Every Day to Feel Well
If you take meds, that's probably on this list. Exercise, quiet, grooming, and calling friends are also popular choices. You might not have a very fleshed out section 2 first time you take a crack at this because you've never really thought about it this way--what you MUST DO every day to stay well. But write down whatever you think of.

3) Things I Might Do to Stay Well
This is a broader field. Not stuff you're going to do every day--maybe because you can't afford to, or it's not convenient, or it's seasonal or just not a good idea to do all the time. But if you need it, you might do it. Examples: Take a day off from work. Road trip. Blow some money shopping. Eat out. Watch a TV marathon. Call an old friend you haven't talked to in a while. For me, I like to think of this category as "ways to be conspicuously nice to myself."

Seeing your therapist is also a popular choice. You don't do it every day, but you might put it on your list as something you do occasionally to keep things running smoothly.

4) Triggers
Things that you know about yourself that could make this worse. Maybe a specific person or family member who sends you into spiral, or the anniversary of some shitty event, or a song or some weather condition. Whatever it is, it's an EXTERNAL EVENT that could start you down a grim path or make things worse if they're already headed that way.

5) Trigger Response
For each trigger, plot the antidote, so you can handle your triggers before they makes things worse for you. "When X-trigger happens, I will do Y." It might just be "Get the hell away from X-trigger." But you might also want something more nuanced.

This is one that's really helpful to have planned ahead of time, because when your crazymaker is boring into your mind, you're in poor shape to formulate an appropriate response on the fly. You will want to run or fight or freak out. But if your WRAP is handy, you can be like, "Ah, my sister is harping on my boyfriend history again. Instead of raging, I'm going to use my prepared response and my fake reason to leave her presence. Then I'm going to call my best friend who I prepped for this contingency and unload immediately." Nothing groundbreaking, but having your response in your pocket is the money here.

6) Early Warning Signs
As opposed to triggers, early warning signs are INTERNAL. This is the stuff that indicates that you're breaking down. You're still in control, but this is the list of signs that you're in bad territory. Little avoidances or upswings in nervous tics... this is likely to be specific for you, so my examples are less helpful. Watch yourself, and listen to what other people say about you to make this list. It might be largely invisible to other people... or you might just think it is.

7) Early Warning Response
Make must/might lists for when you notice your early warning signs cropping up. Think of this as 7a and 7b. What do you HAVE to do to tend to your early warning signs? And what MIGHT you do if it seems appropriate? You might have some of the same stuff here that you had in sections 2 and 3. That's fine. If it works, it counts.

8) When Things Are Breaking Down
These are signs and symptoms that things are getting serious, and you think you might be getting out of control. It's not a crisis yet, but it could get that way quick. You haven't bathed in a week, or you missed work for two days running, or the voices in your head are starting to get really angry and abusive.

9) Breaking Down Response
Create an action plan for what to do here. This is no longer the time for eating more chocolate and being extra nice to yourself. You can still do those things if they help, but more drastic action is called for. This is the time for taking clear, external action such as alerting other people to what's going on, making near-term appointments with a therapist, and removing shit in your way with prejudice.

The next stop after here is crisis, when things will potentially happen out of your control. So anything you can still do that's in your control, put it here.



That's the short version of a WRAP.
It's a useful tool, and as I said, any part that you get done is better than nothing. If you want to talk to me about it, I'll be happy to talk more. In person or email or whatever.

Kindle architect discusses the end of print

One of the architects of the Kindle wrote a book! Ha ha!

Wait that's not funny. That's normal. It's also normal for someone coming out of the tech industry to write a tell-all. So here's the latest: Burning the Page. (amazon link)

As I have alluded before on this blog, having been raised on a literary diet of Orwell, Vonnegut, and a selection of fantastic fiction set to "frappe", I am tuned to imagine conspiracies.

I wear no tinfoil chapeau. I am not genuinely paranoid. But in this modern America, I sustain the belief that if you're not wary, you're doing it wrong.

It's not a fantasy--people really are out to get you. And here's the twist: It's not the government. the Ministry of Truth will be a for-profit entity:

“...If you’re willing to overlook the fact that Big Brother won’t be a politician but an ad man and that he’ll have the face of Google.”

The interview has a couple of other interesting things to say in the way of caveats and partial regrets as well.

Amazing science linkdump March 2013

One thing I really like about science is how we can use it to stop human misery. We could probably even use it help poor people too!

But I'll take helping the rich as a starting place.

Gel that stops bleeding instantly
I'm confused about why there's so much ballyhoo about this being used in wars. Drones don't bleed, right?

Another option is WE COULD STOP HAVING SO MANY FUCKING WARS.

Gene therapy cures leukemia in 8 days
For once, we're not curing mice. Actual people in actual remission.

Retinal implant gives sight to blind
If you have a certain kind of blindness to start with. But seriously, a much bigger deal than Google Glass.

I'll decide when I'm done

Netflix on Xbox is broken is couple of ways, not least of which is that I have to navigate the Xbox interface to get to it.

But the one that makes me genuinely angry is when I'm watching a movie or show, and the moment and credits come on, Netflix shrinks the viewing window and pushes me to the next thing to watch. If it's a serial, there's even a timer until it starts the next one.

I'm pretty sure someone with a marketing degree decided this was a good idea, and I'm even more certain that some, perhaps many, users find this delightful. But they are wrong; it is loathsome.

I like to watch credits. And often some programme will have an Easter egg in or after the credits. I want to see those as well. What I do not want is for someone else to decide when I'm done watching.

Here is the simple fix, Mr. UI Professional: I'll let you know when I'm done because I'll press one of the 4000 buttons on my Xbox controller. Since you never bothered to give me any warning as to what will result from pressing a given button, you can change it with no further warning, I think we can assume any button can alert Netflix that I'm ready to move on. Otherwise, if I don't tell you to do anything, then it means I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING.

I thought this sort of nusiance-disguised-as-convenience was an isolated incident until I was finished a book on my Kindle today, and was looking forward to absorbing the appendices to reinforce what I had just learned from the main text. As soon as Appendix A appeared on my screen, a black page popped up saying, "You just finished the book! Want to rate it? Tell your friends!"

At that moment, what I wanted was button that would cause a giant extendo-arm boxing glove to punch Jeff Bezos in the face. I went from engaged and learning to "gee, how many stars should I give this book?" at Amazon's whim. As if rating and recommending had any fucking relevance in the whole fucking world to what I was reading.

I don't understand why I wage such a lonely battle for user-centric design. How does removing agency help me?

Trick question! IT DOESN'T.

Intrusive UI that purports to assist or direct my experience without consulting me or offering tools to disable it is the kind of massive bullshit that will keep me buying actual books and/or DVDs into the far future.

The fact that two of the largest, best known content middlemen are doing this inspires dim hope in me for something better.

Houston, We Have Pope

So hey, new pope everybody. Olly olly oxen free.

Some nice firsts. First Jesuit pope. First pope from Latin America. First pope to take the name "Francis".

Francis, huh? Man, remember when popes would really go all out on picking good names?

Linus. Arguably the second pope after Peter. Mentioned in the New Testament, OMG. No mention of security blanket issues.

Sixtus III. The second guy to name himself "sixtus" was already pushing it. Could he have just gone to "Seventus"? But taking it to the third power, that's ballsy.

Boniface III. More like Butterface, amirite?



Top Honors
Pope Hilarius

Here's the Wikipedia vandalization perpetrated by my old pal Dmac back in 2005:

Pope Hilarius was, of course, the funniest of all popes. From his name, Americans get the English word hilarious and its sister, hilarity. His humor was a beacon of light in the church during an otherwise dark time, converting many barbarians and heretics with his stand-up comedy. His "men do this; women do that" joke has been passed down from comedian to comedian all the way to the present day. (He was thanked in the credits of Last Comic Standing.) He is also the source of the famous joke that ends in "... when I woke up, my pillow was gone!"

Lent reflections 2013

Lent again, and I'm running at it with the usual half-hearted enthusiasm. I keep wanting religion to mean things. Sometimes it does! But other times it unrolls like a rug and then lies very still like a rug.

This year I wanted to give something up, but I didn't want to give up something that would be, like, hard.

Last year for Lent, M and I tried over the top -- all juice. It was too crazy too much too fast, skipping straight from Burger King to beet juice. We would up retreating to "no processed foods" by Easter.

This year I just didn't want so much work in my suffering. So I found a thing I do a lot, that I like a lot, but that I can stop without pangs.

I'm not eating out. This Lent, everything has to come from the grocery store and be prepared by someone I didn't pay to cook for me.

It's just the right amount of sacrifice. I hope. It requires me to think about food, reflect on my choices, but doesn't seriously deprive me. (Now that I've written that down, it sounds like the biggest softball I could find. Sacrifice without deprivation? Balls to the motherfuckin' walls, Quick!)

Still, it is having an effect. With a serendipity I'll call grace, I started tracking what I eat on an app (myfitnesspal, available for download on your fancyphone of choice). I don't do it every day, and I don't do a crack job of tracking when I do. But the crux is that it creates pauses to think about what I'm shoving in my Doritos-hole all day long and to have different thoughts besides, "More horsemeat."

I'll probably be a few pounds lighter come Easter 2013, but weight loss is a pleasant side effect. What I really want is a religious observance that doesn't lie like a rug, but flies like a carpet. I want God to show me something amazing that irrevocably cuts through fear and complacency.

It sounds like I'm asking for a lot in exchange for not much. If I was serious about this shit, I'd go get imprisoned or beaten, right? But God's economy is not tit for tat. God is always operating on a different scale than humans. We're commemorating a messiah back from the dead! That's kind of a big deal. I've got to come to the table, but I can't be expected to bet real money there, you know?

Given that state of things, I think I can ask for fireworks even if my chief contribution is a wet match. But I'm afraid I won't get them. Or I'm afraid I'll be too stupid to know how to follow up even if I do. Those are the two main outcomes of religion in my life thus far: disappointed or dumbfounded.

I keep showing up though. Trying is better than not trying. 

A Three-year Record

It's only January, and I've already posted more times in 2013 than I did in either 2011 or 2012.

WHAT COULD THIS MEAN?

I always want things to mean something, I want the surface to point to a hidden substratum or -strata.

And you know, usually that pays off. What I think it means is that about the time I stopped blogging regularly I got a job working in the mental health field that took all my psychic energy.

There was no time to try to be mildly humorous on the Internet. I spent every work day not merely trying to provide compassionate assistance to Delaware County residents with moderate mental illness, but also learning how to get all my billable hours in, which as social workers will tell you, is one of the real bitches of their jobs.

Then I moved to a job working for a board game company, AEG. (which yes, is a thing, board games are a business that makes hundreds of millions of dollars annually, I'll have to tell you more about that some time.) And it was great. Except it masticated all my free time until it deposited me on the street recently, because like all entertainment jobs, you must either be lucky or badger-level tenacious to stay steadily employed.

So it could be that I'm coming off a 2.5-year work bender and have space to be reflective again.

But the thing about hidden layers is that they're hidden. Mr. Rumsfeld's infamous "unknown unknowns" always lurk beneath your enterprises. So maybe there are other reasons?

Because I imagine an underworld of black swans that I have failed to uncover, I make promises gingerly for my future. But with a lovely vase of provisos in hand, I'm glad to be back. I hope it means good things for every one of us.

Pursue Your Pipe Dream With Vigor

I don't know what unfinished business draws me to collect these inspirational quotes. A friend of mine once said, "Jeff, you are in no danger of becoming an office drone." But still, I fear it. 

Maybe it's the kind of fear I should just embrace and be transformed. Or maybe it's the kind of fear I should continue to resist because I can only overcome by struggling to the very end?

I'm afraid I don't know. 

It could be that there's no one correct answer and life is not easily reducible into binary choices.

Anyway, here's another quote I read today and wanted to put somewhere safe:
"It is FAR better to pursue your pipe dream with vigor than to halfass something you took as a compromise."

--Kate Beaton

Internet complaint box

I've been reading (okay, skimming) a lot of news articles about the fiscal cliff in the last month, and they are frequently followed by a comments section full of poorly informed vitriol. During the 2012 election it was worse.

One of the favorite metacomments from Facebook (via my wife) was how annoying everyone's friends were with their poorly informed vitriol. Barack Obama and/or Mitt Romney were individually the worst thing to happen to this country since Tippecanoe and Tyler Too drubbed that dandy, "Little Van" out of the White House.

There's a lot of hand-wringing among public service types about civic disengagement. People apparently don't vote. But they do complain on the Internet! Can we use that?

Listen up, all you vitriol-spewers! Instead of typing your mauvais mots to each other on the Internet (where they have no chance of influencing anyone other than your children to shy away from you), send them to your congressperson. 

The same typing! The very same words! Just send them to your elected representative. Vent your unfocused rage toward some FOCUS. There, you might have a chance of doing some good. At very least you'll stop bothering my wife.

Find out the names and email addresses of your congresspersons. If you're not sure what to say, there's a big link in Spanish at the top of the page to remind you about your poorly-informed vitriol concerning illegal immigration! Start there!